Ricki and the Flash (2015), directed by Jonathan Demme

ricki-and-the-flashThere often is a price paid for celebrity, especially for family members. I read of Hollywood movie stars who have dysfunctional kids getting into all sorts of trouble and trafficking in drugs.

Nothing is simple and we know life is complicated, but the suggestion clearly exists that parents who make their personal fame a priority are often not available for their own children. As a result of their frequent absence, these kids find other role models and succumb to negative influences.

Ricki and the Flash depicts this kind of conflict. We see Ricki as a middle-aged rock star who has made a choice between fame and family. She has chosen fame.

One telling exchange between her ex-husband, Pete, and her reveals her thinking at the time she left the family. He observes: “I thought we were your dream.” She responds: “I can’t have two dreams.”

What brings Ricki into contact with her ex is a phone call from him informing her that their daughter, Julie, is having a nervous breakdown after being abandoned by her husband. Pete feels that at this moment of crisis, she needs her mother’s presence.

Ricki, who has very little money, immediately scrapes up the necessary funds to fly from her California home to Indianapolis to be with Julie. Julie at first is not happy to see her estranged mother, but the relationship soon warms and Julie begins to come out of her depression.

While with Julie at the family home, Ricki also reunites with her two other children, sons Daniel and Josh, both of whom barely have a relationship with their mother. Moreover, Pete’s current wife Maureen is upset at the upheaval in the home caused by Ricki’s arrival. Maureen and Ricki’s first meeting is fraught with tension and ends with Maureen asking Ricki to leave.

Things turn for the better, however, when Maureen writes a letter of apology to Ricki and invites her to Daniel’s upcoming wedding. The wedding becomes the occasion when Ricki and her kids finally understand and appreciate one another in spite of Ricki’s being absent from their lives for so many years. Ricki cannot make up for the years of absence; but her abiding love of her children, especially manifested in times of crisis, enables mother and child to still love one another irrespective of past disappointments.

Jewish law is very clear on parent child relationships. Parents have an obligation to teach their children morality and ethics, to give them an opportunity to learn a vocation, and to teach them how to swim, which means how to swim through life and navigate all the challenges that confront a child growing up.

I remember great Torah teachers of mine who would spend time every week studying with their children in the evening, even though the kids were being taught in school. The parent desired face time with his child, and did not want to delegate all of his child’s education to the school.

Moreover, there is a custom in Jewish homes of blessing the children on the onset of the Sabbath on Friday nights. The parent stands in front of the child, utters the priestly blessing showering Divine protection over his offspring, and at the blessing’s conclusion embraces the child and plants a kiss on his or her face. The ritual is a reminder that there is no substitute for face time with a child.

Although it is sad to observe Ricki’s dysfunctional relationship with her kids, there is some comfort in knowing that parents and children can have a rapprochement even after many years of neglecting their relationship. Ricki and the Flash reminds us that even though family ties never break, they weaken when a parent is absent. There is no substitute for a warm embrace.

Purchase this movie from Amazon.com.

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