One of the important lessons I learned over my long career in education is that kids are works in progress. If a student seems like a loser in high school, that does not mean he will always be a loser. I have witnessed many a student who has undergone a metamorphosis academically and spiritually. In high school, they were incorrigible; as adults they were exemplary human beings. I recall one student in particular, Daniel, who gave me grief every day he came to school, yet I controlled my response to his negative behavior and never said anything to him I regretted. Many years later, I received a phone call from Daniel apologizing for his confrontational behavior in high school. He then gave the school a sizable donation.
Watching The Confirmation, a coming of age story about Anthony, an eight-year-old child of divorce, reminded me of the truth of my experience as a teacher and principal. Anthony is a very sweet boy and he is clearly a work in progress. His father, Walt, and mother, Bonnie, are good people, but each has a different vision of what kind of adult Anthony should be. His mother encourages him to go to church. His father does not oppose this, but he tells his son that being a devout Christian is not necessarily a sure bet to get into Heaven. Maybe what the Church tells him is right and maybe it is not. He can listen to all points of view as a child, but when he grows into adulthood, he will have the freedom to decide for himself what path to follow.
The opportunity for the extended discussion between father and son occurs when Bonnie departs for a Christian Couples Retreat with her new husband, Kyle. She leaves Anthony in the care of his father, warning him that if he imbibes alcohol, he will lose visitation rights to Anthony. Walt, in truth, is in recovery for his alcoholic problem, but a series of unfortunate events test him emotionally. First, his car breaks down, then he receives an eviction notice from his landlord, and finally someone steals his carpentry tools, which he needs for an upcoming job.
Spending the day together with his father, who is challenged by so many problems, gives Anthony a window into the complexity of adult life. He begins to realize how complicated decision-making can be when, instead of seeing situations only in black and white, the predominant color of real life is grey.
There are two confession scenes that bookend the story. At the beginning, Anthony, at the request of this mother, goes to the priest to make confession. When the priest asks him to enumerate his sins, Anthony cannot name any. Even when the priest prompts him by asking if he was disrespectful to his parents or had impure thoughts, Anthony, in his innocent state, can recall nothing.
Near the end of the film, one day after spending a day with his father, he returns to the confessional booth with a very different narrative. In truth, Anthony is the same innocent boy, but now he has a better understanding of the complexity of life after seeing what his father’s life is like. For example, Anthony knows that sometimes lying is acceptable if it preserves peace in the home.
The Talmud’s style of discourse is to record different opinions, not merely to recite Jewish law. Having studied it for many years, I am continually amazed at its intellectual rigor and honesty. Rarely is a topic seen solely in black and white terms. One line of reasoning is presented; then another rabbi disagrees and expresses doubt about the conclusions reached by the previous sage. A final opinion is offered, but only after much analysis and give and take argument. Anthony in The Confirmation, after seeing the challenges his father faces and the strange assortment of characters he meets, emerges as a wiser young man who, in all likelihood, will mature into a wise and competent adult able to evaluate life in all its complexity.
I enjoy and respect the company of people of faith, as long as they are not functioning as missionaries. Let me give you an example. When I was principal of a Jewish high school, I learned that one of our very fine Jewish general studies instructors was living with someone other than his wife. It was a private matter until I discovered he was hiring our students as babysitters for his paramour. At that point, I asked myself: if I were a parent, would I want my child to be exposed to a situation which was contrary to my own value system by a teacher in a school that shared my value system. Flash forward to another teacher in the school, the Christian mother of five children who was an outstanding science teacher. In her spare time, she wrote poetry about the details of God’s creation and always emphasized the renewal of God’s sustaining powers on each day of a person’s life, a message very much consistent with the ethos of our Jewish day school.
My son-in-law is a special education educator focusing on autistic students. He helps kids and their families cope with a disability that manifests itself in different ways depending upon many idiosyncratic factors such as age and family background. Therapies that work in one situation may not work in another.
In the course of my career, I have occasionally met people who are morally inconsistent. One example comes to mind. He was a synagogue attendee and very charitable towards the institutions I represented, but he gained his wealth by selling drugs, a fact I only learned some time after my friend was incarcerated. Jewish law is very clear: you cannot accomplish a good deed by committing an immoral action. However, in the woof and warp of daily life, many people make ethical compromises to justify an affluent lifestyle and the good deeds that one performs through charitable giving.
There often is a price paid for celebrity, especially for family members. I read of Hollywood movie stars who have dysfunctional kids getting into all sorts of trouble and trafficking in drugs.
When I was in eighth grade, I invited Dolly, a girl I knew through my local JCC, to my junior high school. I wanted to show her the building in which I took great pride. I had nothing in mind other than to show her my classrooms, but my visit after the school’s regular hours caught the attention of the school janitor who reported my unconventional visit to the principal. The next day I was summoned to his office and given a reprimand for escorting Dolly by myself after school. What I did was give the appearance of impropriety, and the incident gave me a visceral awareness of how appearances can often telegraph the wrong message about a person or event.
As an educator for many years, I have encountered parents who opt for home schooling instead of enrolling their children into a traditional school. Sometimes the motive of the parent is to save the cost of private school tuition; at other times parents truly feel that conventional schools are often inferior and do not sufficiently tap a child’s intellectual potential. For these parents, home schooling offers an alternative and parents begin enthusiastically to educate their own kids at home.
There is a story in the Talmud about a sage, Rabbi Elazar, who made disparaging remarks about an ugly man, whereupon the ugly man said that he was created ugly by God and that was his lot through no fault of his own. The sage regretted the unkind words he said and an overwhelming sense of remorse plagued him. The sage died soon thereafter.
As a child with a Downs Syndrome sister, I recall in the 1950s families with Downs Syndrome children often kept their kids in the proverbial closet. My mother and father thought differently. They felt Carol, their daughter, needed to be visible in the community and that the community should provide the resources for such kids to develop their potential to the fullest extent possible. That’s why my mother fought for the establishment for a school in Westchester County for the mentally retarded and, when Carol was older, for the establishment of a retarded children’s workshop in White Plains so that Carol could feel and be productive in her mature years.
During my entire professional career, I used a PC both at home and the office. The Apple computer seemed geared for geeks and not suitable for an office environment. But as it happens with all machines, eventually they break and it was time to buy a new computer. I consulted my son, Benyamin, and he encouraged me to buy the iMac. Now that I was not working in a school office and had more flexible work hours, I decided to seriously consider the Apple. After several months of indecision, I finally bought one.
Kosher Movies 