Kosher Movies

One of my children once ran away from home. My late wife and I were distraught. We were about to call the police when I discovered our missing son in the backyard. My son and I had a disagreement of some kind and he had disappeared. But he did not go very far. He just wanted to get my attention, and so he hid in the backyard. This unsettling and frightening experience was a watershed event in my parenting life. Until then, I assumed that the tool box of parenting skills that I had used with my other children would work with all my children. But now I received a wake-up call reminding me that every child is different and I would have to modify my parenting techniques to reflect the idiosyncrasies of each child. I finally understood profoundly King Solomon’s statement in Proverbs that we should “train a child in the way he will go.” When it comes to parenting, one size does not fit all.

Dead Poet’s Society is primarily about a charismatic teacher who profoundly influences his students, but it is also a film about the dynamic between parents and children, about parental expectations on the one hand, and the aspirations of children on the other. Are the two in sync? When Proverbs exhorts us to “train a child in the way that he will go,” it means that parents need to understand the natural inclinations of a child and encourage him to use those natural abilities and interests to develop his own adult identity. When Jewish tradition instructs a parent to teach his child a trade, the choice of trade is not written in stone. The presumption is that the child will choose what suits him with parental input, but not parental control.

When a parent wants control, not mere input, there is conflict, especially during the teenage years. Neil Perry, an outstanding high school student, wants to be an actor. He is passionate about it and, without his father’s knowledge, tries out and wins the part of Puck in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. When his father discovers his son’s deception, he decides to remove his son from the school which he loves in order to end to his son’s acting ambitions. The emotional strain of this parent-child conflict ultimately has a tragic end, reinforcing the notion that children should be allowed to listen to their own inner voices when it comes to choosing one’s life work.

This parent-child struggle contrasts with the positive relationship between a teacher, John Keating played by Robin Williams, and his students. The teacher encourages the students to think for themselves, to do something extraordinary with their lives. He tells them to seize the day and enjoy poetry, beauty, and love, all things which make life worthwhile. Thoreau is Keating’s literary icon, a writer who listens to the sound of a different drummer, who desires to “live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.” Thoreau did not want to die and discover that he had not lived. Keating wants his students to share that robust perspective on life. He invites them to stand on their desks and see things from on high, anticipating that the exercise will embed in their minds the value of seeing things from the balcony. From this vantage point, one can see new approaches to solving problems, new ways to approach the givens of life.

Dead Poet’s Society has much to say about teaching, parenting, and life. Viewing it reaffirms the complexity of the never-ending task of both teacher and parent, who, in their own contradictory and loving ways, want to give children roots to plant and wings to fly.

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At conventions of educators, school principals often share their personal “war stories” with colleagues either to unburden themselves, to gain insight into a problem, or perhaps to find a remedy for a difficult professional situation that threatens to hurt them or their school. I remember vividly one principal’s narrative about a parent who wanted so much to remove the principal from his position that he spread a rumor that he had fired one of the beloved veteran administrators of the school. Another principal confided in me that he was falsely accused of being lax in enforcing the school’s no-tolerance drug policy. In both cases, the accusations were false; but, nevertheless, the rumors damaged the reputation of two outstanding professionals in Jewish education. I considered myself very blessed to be in Atlanta as a school principal for many years where the lay community supported the professional leadership of the school even when I occasionally made unpopular decisions. Hearing the narratives of my colleagues reminded me of the terrible harm that slander and gossip can do.

It is the power of slander that is the topic of A Cry in the Dark starring Meryl Streep as Lindy Chamberlain. The movie is based on a true story of an Australian murder trial of a mother accused of killing her own daughter. The body is never found, but a bias against a woman who is seen as cold and unfeeling by her peers creates a mob hysteria that destroys her reputation. Our tradition tells us that every person is presumed to be an upright individual unless proven otherwise. The Torah commands us in many places not to be a talebearer, not to embarrass someone, to always give someone the benefit of the doubt. Yet this is difficult to do when the object of our comments is someone whom we dislike. The fact is, however, that this is precisely the time when we have to overcome our instincts to judge someone unfairly. This is the time when we have to withhold judgment until we have all the facts.

The destructive effects of prejudice are grippingly dramatized in a pivotal scene in which Lindy, exhausted from the trauma of losing a child and then being suspected of murdering it, gives testimony in a courtroom in a cold, dispassionate way. The jurors see her as an insensitive mother who might, indeed, have murdered her own child. As the prosecutor relentlessly cross-examines her, the interrogation is intercut with scenes of ordinary people in the street commenting on her guilt, offering interpretations of why she did it, and feeding the publicity frenzy. As one watches  the montage of images, one gets a real sense of the emotional pain Lindy is suffering when giving evidence of her dead child’s death by a dingo, a wild dog, before a mistrusting audience of jurors and lay people who have come to watch the spectacle with detached amusement.

A Cry in the Dark on a literal level refers to the cry of a baby in the night. On a thematic level, it refers to the cry for compassion and understanding in a world that is often insensitive to the emotional pain of other people, where the public desire to know trumps sensitivity to other human beings. The obvious message: death and life are in the power of tongue, so we have to very careful about what we say about other people. Speech distinguishes man from animal; it is a gift that should not be abused.

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I recently spent a Shabbat in Jerusalem at the Bar Mitzvah of a friend’s son. My friends had converted to Judaism a number of years ago, and now their youngest son was celebrating his Bar Mitzvah at the Kotel. During the course of this joyous weekend, we reminisced about their spiritual journey, which began in earnest in a restaurant in Prague. There they met my son Ezra who struck up a conversation with them and showed them one of the famous synagogues in the city. Ezra put them in touch with me in Denver many months later where they enrolled at a Denver Jewish day school at which I was principal. The journey continued with a move to Rochester, New York, where they officially converted to Judaism and were re-married according to Jewish law. As we talked over dinner in Jerusalem, the wife reminded me that their journey began in a little conversation in Prague which changed the lives of the family forever. One moment in a life can have everlasting ripple effects.

“One moment can change your life forever” is the advertising mantra for Bella, and it proves to be true in the case of Jose, a star soccer player, who on the day of his contract signing experiences a life-changing moment. Infused with the excitement of playing professional soccer, he loses his concentration while driving his car and causes a horrible accident. The terrible effects of this tragedy haunt him as he struggles to come to terms with the consequences of his actions. Near the beginning of the film, one of the characters says, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” This adage of an old grandmother highlights one of the essential messages of the movie; namely, that we are not in full control of our destinies, and it is foolish to think that we are. One day can change everything.

Jose works as the chief chef in a restaurant owed by his adopted brother. He is a master chef; but when he sees his brother treat Nina, a waitress, callously, he leaves the kitchen to console Nina after she has been fired. We find out that Nina is pregnant, and morning sickness has caused her lateness. As Jose and Nina walk the streets of New York together, they meet a blind street vendor with a sign behind his stand which reads: “God closed my eyes. Now I can see.” This sets the stage for each of the main characters to undergo a spiritual transformation, which brings with it a new understanding of life and its adversities.

The street sign with its message of hope provides the spiritual subtext of Bella. Jose and Nina both have experienced hard times; yet Jose, especially, tries to use his tragic past to build a hopeful future for himself and Nina. Jose is a man of faith who comes from a family of faith. They say grace before eating and are mindful of the presence of God in their lives. They celebrate life together and are joyful in relationship with friends. Their wisdom and energy are infectious, and Nina basks in their warm presence.

Through a day’s quiet conversation between Jose and Nina, Nina overcomes her aversion towards carrying her baby to term, and decides to accept motherhood. To Jose, this represents an affirmation of life. Jose values people and values life; and his goal is affirm life not only by encouraging Nina to have her child, but also by reprimanding his brother when he treats his employees cavalierly. He berates his brother for only being concerned about business, and not caring enough about the people who work for him. “It’s all about you,” he shouts when he wants to brother to think about his workers.

There is much to admire in Bella. It is about being sensitive to the trials and tribulations of others. It is also about repentance. How do we atone for a grave sin? How can we get forgiveness from someone who is no longer alive? Do we have to atone for a sin that we committed inadvertently? All these questions are discussed in the codes of Jewish law, and the dilemmas that Jose faces can be viewed in the classic context of Jewish repentance literature. Moreover, the film demonstrates the value of family as a positive force to help one overcome challenges in life. A loving and supportive family is critical to Jose’s ability to cope with personal tragedy. Other people might choose illicit drugs to escape a painful reality, but Jose is not part of that culture.

Above all, Bella presents not only a story of personal tragedy and redemption, but also a story of one act of kindness that is transformational in the life of one person, Nina. The Ethics of the Fathers reinforces the importance of kindness when it tells us that it is one of the three pillars upon which the world is based (Avot 1:2). Kindness is an eternal attribute of the Jewish people, and this seminal life lesson of kindness is embedded in the gentle and thoughtful narrative of Bella.

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My son-in-law served in the Marines during the Gulf War. Sent to Kuwait, he was probably the only Orthodox Jew serving there. When he returned safe and sound, thank God, I had several discussions with him about the most important thing he learned from his military experience. He told me it was unforgettable and he valued it because it gave him an intense appreciation of every moment of life. He became more attuned to the presence of Godliness in the world, more attentive to the everyday miracles of life. It is this awareness of the preciousness of every moment of life that is at the core of Hereafter, a film that has something to say about the afterlife, but has more to say about how we lead our lives. Do we pay attention to our life experiences or do we simply go through life on auto-pilot?

Hereafter tells three stories of emotional crisis. One is about a woman who survives a tsunami after having a near-death experience. Another is about a young boy, Marcus, who loses his twin brother, Jason, and another about a man who has a childhood illness leading to a near death experience, which leaves him with the ability to communicate with the dead. The stories originate in different locations, Paris, London, and San Francisco; but they all converge in London at the story’s end where all the main characters have arrived, suggesting perhaps that a hidden divine hand is guiding their respective fates.

In Hereafter, things happen which can easily be explained as natural events, but which can also be explained as supernatural. It depends on how you view life. Is it ordinary or extraordinary? As if to punctuate this juxtaposition, George Lonegan, the psychic played by Matt Damon, goes to sleep each night listening to audiotapes of the novels of Charles Dickens. His depiction of everyday Victorian life emotionally grounds George who is haunted by his psychic gift that prevents him from leading a conventional life. The scene depicts the normal human ambivalence between perceiving the world as the unfolding of natural processes and perceiving the world as a constant revelation of the miraculous.

Another scene portrays this dissonance between natural and supernatural perceptions of the world. The surviving brother, Marcus, seeks to communicate with his dead brother. On one day he goes to the underground London train station to travel to someone who he thinks can help him with his task. As the train enters the platform, his hat, which belonged to his dead brother, falls off his head. He struggles to retrieve it as it is trampled by passers-by. When he finally reclaims it, he misses his train. Seconds later, there is an explosion on the departing train and Marcus miraculously escapes death. Was it a coincidence, what is God intervening, was it his dead brother protecting him? The answer is ambiguous but the question is not, for it presupposes a willingness to see the world without preconceptions of why things happen.

Often, there is often a sign over the ark in traditional synagogues on which is inscribed the classic line from King David’s Psalms:  “God is always before me.” It is a passage that resonates with me. It reminds me never to take things for granted. It reminds me to pay attention to life, to see God’s handiwork always in front of me. Focusing on the maxim, I am reminded to look for God’s hidden hand behind everyday events. What are His messages? Am I listening? Am I paying attention?

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